Lisa Newman from Valencia writes, “Growing up, Christmas was and always has been my favorite part of the year; it holds a special place in my heart. As a mother, every year I desperately try to create the perfect Christmas for my family but it never seems to meet my expectations and I always feel disappointed in my efforts. Instead of enjoying Christmas I often feel tired, empty and let down.”
Many people across the world celebrating Christmas this year will set themselves up for utter disappointment. People have preconceived notions and expectations of what this holiday is supposed to look like for them, and when it unfolds in any other way, it brings a sense of dissatisfaction leaving them feeling unfulfilled.
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Typically, we knock ourselves out trying to make Christmas look “perfect.” We have conditioned ourselves to expect that the “perfect Christmas” should look a particular way.
We visualize our children at Christmas being cheerful, grateful and thoughtful of others. We picture in our minds that our parents and in-laws will arrive on time for dinner and get along merrily. We even imagine that when our loved ones open their gifts, that their faces will reveal their utmost astonishment and that the authentic joyful expressions of gratitude will be apparently obvious.
When it doesn’t look anything close to how we have been envisioning it, far too often we are discontent with the outcome. It may leave us feeling somewhat unsatisfied.
In most cases, as we live our life, we sabotage our own experiences by imagining and anticipating the outcome we are seeking. We don’t realize how much we taint the new moment with comparing it to our past experiences.
By doing this we unconsciously limit ourselves from experiencing new possibilities and we interrupt the natural process for golden moments to happen. Not to mention, we are not fully present in those moments to see them for what they are.
Comparing and expecting frequently leads to disappointment. As we are too busy swimming around in our disappointment, no other experiences can occur.
This means that the joy, happiness, love, gratitude and wonder that we all want to feel at Christmas time will have to wait until we can let go of the disappointment we are feeling.
More importantly, depending on how evolved we are in our emotional development, some people can work through the emotional block faster than others.
So… here are three coaching tips to avoid being disappointed in the first place. This will allow you to be in the moment; experiencing joy, wonder, gratitude and ultimately the Perfect Christmas.
- Surrender all your expectations of how Christmas should look and create brand new experiences from pure intention, love and self-expression.
- The “Perfect Christmas” always shows up. Sometimes we are unable to see it as such because we already have an image of what the “Perfect Christmas” should look like. Allow the perfect Christmas to be what it is, by being a neutral observer.
- When you find yourself in those moments that really matter to you, turn off your mind. Allow yourself to BE in the moment without any thoughts, judgments or comparison; be fully present.
Alex Urbina is a one of the leading experts on Teen & Parent Relationships and Teen Leadership. His vast experience in human potential and personal development has made him one of the premier family coaches and an international trainer.
Alex’s experiential Teen Life Leadership Training is being implemented in various schools and youth organizations helping empower teens to discover their personal power and realize their full potential.
Alex is a resident of the Santa Clarita Valley and is exclusively offering his trainings to our community. You can also tune into his weekly radio show called the “Teen Life Leadership Training” on your Hometown Station AM1220 KHTS every Wednesday at 1pm, to continue to educate yourself on teen & family relationships.